Shit happens as a universal religious concept

Taoism: Shit Happens.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, take hostages.
Buddhism: If shit happens is it really shit?
Nihilism: Who gives a shit?
Protestantism: Shit happens if you work hard.
Catholicism: Shit Happens, I deserve it.
7th Day Adventist:Shit happens on Saturday.
Mormonism: Knock Knock, Shit Happens.
Judaism: Why does shit happen to me?
Krishnaism: Shit happens, ring a dingy ding.
Jehovah’s Witness:People now living will see shit happen.
Marxism: This shit is going to hit the fan.
Paganism: Each shit has its own name.
Atheism: Bullshit!
TV Evangelism: Send more shit.
Hedonism: There’s nothing like a good shit happening.
Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit.

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How important the right pronunciation is :D

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m just tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”

***
I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
– Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!
– Wow!
Then her friend said, “She means 6663629.”